I have absolutely no words to describe the pain I felt when I learned my mom had passed away. She wasn’t supposed to died this young. She was supposed to watch my girls grow up. She was supposed to attend their graduations from high school and college, and she was supposed to see them grow into beautiful young women.
My mom had throat cancer, and decided NOT to have any treatment for it. It slowly grew bigger for 2 years before it grew to a point that was painful for her. At the end of March she went into the hospital because she needed help. It was starting to become too much. They, of course, wanted to start her on chemo meds right away. She had 1 round of very strong chemo medicine and things started to go downhill.
Her pacemaker, from heart problems before I got married, was turned off due to a low battery and they would notice while she was there that her heart was going into afib. She threw up everything she tried to eat or drink. Her kidneys started to fail. She told the nurse she just wanted to go home, so they sent her home with home hospice care.
I talked with my brother, and told him we both needed to go see her. We didn’t end up being able to go at the same time, but we did go visit her. I spent a week with her. I seen her breathing hard and talked her into getting on oxygen. I tried to get her things I knew she would want to eat but she didn’t have much success. She would just throw it up. She slept A LOT while I was there. Saying goodbye to her, when I knew it would be the last time I hugged her and kissed her, was heartbreaking. I acted like it wasn’t a big deal and I would see her again later, and then cried in the airport bathroom.
Her husband kept me updated as to what was going on with her. Towards her birthday, May 31, he told me to do something special for her because it would likely be her last. I had a blanket made for her with us on it that she loved. Her husband had to translate what she was saying by that point, because she could hardly talk. She started getting extremely weak to the point where she could hardly walk. It would take her husband an hour to get her up off the floor and back onto the bed or couch.
June 9th I was feeling horrible all day. For the past week or two I had been having this tingly sensation in my hands and arms and then a horrible stomach ache. That afternoon I received a text from my mom’s husband saying it was likely she wouldn’t make it through the night. He told me she wasn’t doing good and I asked him to tell her I loved her.
That day she had apparently been super restless and fidgety. She wouldn’t sit still. Her husband was having a hard time getting her to relax and had called hospice to see what to do because she was trying to get up but didn’t have any strength and would crumple to the floor. She was talking about how she wanted to go home and he would tell her she was home. She would then state “NO, I WANT TO GO HOME“. Hospice told him to give her a dose of her hydromorphone to get her to calm down and rest. It took another hour before she actually fell asleep and she passed away in her sleep.
I miss her so incredibly much. We had our ups and downs but she was always there for me and encouraged me. She went through a lot, and I’m glad she’s now at peace. Rest easy, mom. I love you.